How Your Second Marriage is Different Than Your First

Tying the knot a second time can feel different than the first – you are older, wiser, more cautious. You probably have a better idea of what it takes to make a marriage work, and how much work marriage can really be! If you are getting married again, here are some ways that things will be different the second time around.

Often by the time you are getting married a second time, you know who you are. You have formed your own identity, and the purpose of a spouse is to complement, not complete you. You also know what you are looking for in a companion, and it is easier to be a bit more honest and direct about your needs.

Having already been married, you also have a better understanding of how much work it takes, and what didn’t work the last time around. This knowledge can be used to strengthen your new union. This time you are going in with your eyes open about what you need to do and what you need from a spouse to make a marriage last.

Second marriages, for all the benefits of age and wisdom, also come with their own set of challenges. Often there are children involved that need to be factored into the new household and family structure. Perhaps they feel resentful or uncomfortable around their new step-parent. Perhaps you need to learn how to become a parent to your new spouse’s children, and navigate what that role will look like. Should you be an active participant in raising these kids or are you more of a friend? Can you discipline them? Pick them up for your partner’s custody time?

Moreover, there is often also an ex, or sometimes two, that are not fully out of the picture by the time you are ready to say, “I do” again. When children or spousal support are involved, there exists a connection with an old love that endures finding your new spouse. Creating healthy boundaries and being respectful of each other can be a hard tightrope to walk but finding a balance can make life infinitely easier.