Parental conflict, rather than the separation itself, is often the greatest source of stress for children during a divorce. Fortunately, there are practical and effective tools parents can use to assist in reducing conflict and support their children’s emotional health and well being while navigating these difficult times. Some of the most important tools are discussed below.
Avoid Involving Children in Parental Conflict
Behaviour that places your children in the middle of the conflict with your spouse can be harmful. Oftentimes, this happens unintentionally. When parents are in conflict, sometimes they can view the child as a “prize”, use the child as a messengerto avoid speaking to their spouse directly, or use the child as leverage in their family law disputes. Some parents also discuss matrimonial problems with the children or put down the other parent in front of their kids. Involving children in adult issues can cause stress and anxiety and make it more difficult for them to cope with their parents’ divorce.
Keep Communication Child-Focused
According to section 7.2 of the Divorce Act, parents have a duty to protect their children from conflict arising from their divorce to the best of their ability. Speaking respectfully about the other parent and avoiding emotionally charged discussions in front of children helps preserve their sense of safety. In dynamics where direct communication is difficult, parenting apps allow parties to share schedules, updates, and other important information related to the child. Parenting apps can help minimize reactive exchanges and promote accountability.
Consistency and Clarity
A divorce can be a confusing and uncertain time for children, especially young children. It is important for parents to help them feel as safe and secure as possible during this transitional period. Maintaining predictable routines for school, extracurricular activities, meals, and bedtime provides a sense of normalcy across two households. Aligning expectations with your co-parent and giving advance notice of changes helps children feel secure and supported. One way to promote consistency is to create a parenting plan that is agreed upon by both parties. A written plan can make it easier to set and follow parenting expectations.
Letting Children Be Heard
Supporting safe opportunities for children to express their emotions and opinions is important for them, and for the parent listening. Providing reassurance, listening without judgment, and validating emotions can help children understand that their feelings are normal and manageable. In implementing this practice, parents should carefully ensure that they do not put an inadvertent burden on the child to make decisions on adult issues such as parenting time and decision-making responsibility.
Alternative Dispute Resolution
Ontario family law encourages the use of alternative dispute resolution methods such as mediation and collaborative family law which focus on cooperation, transparency, and problem-solving. Committing to resolving disputes in a less confrontational manner than the adversarial court process can help prevent prolonged stress and uncertainty in children. Seeking legal advice from a family law lawyer can help you better understand whether taking legal action is necessary. A family law lawyer can also help settle your disputes without the engaging in the court process.
Long-Term Benefits of Low-Conflict Parenting
When parents prioritize emotional well-being instead of getting caught up in the conflict, children are better able to adapt to a divorce. Children often learn how to manage stress and conflict by watching their parents which is why it is so important to model healthy coping skills. Implementing the right tools and committing to focusing on the children’s best interests will benefit your children in the long run.
Attention Legal Counsel: Professional Mediation Services
When your clients have reached an impasse in settlement discussions, Andrew Feldstein offers third-party mediation services specifically designed for cases where both parties have independent legal representation.
Why lawyers refer cases to Andrew:
- 30+ years family law litigation experience providing courtroom-informed reality testing
- Expertise in complex financial matters including business valuations and professional corporations
- Efficient, structured process that respects counsel’s time and maintains client relationships
- Flexible scheduling including virtual mediation and travel to counsel offices
Cases we handle: Negotiation stalemates, complex asset division, support calculation disputes, parenting arrangements, multi-jurisdictional matters, and post-separation modifications.
Refer your next mediation: Call Andrew directly at 905-415-1635 ext. 255 or email info@separation.ca. Virtual and in-person sessions available throughout the GTA.